Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize