Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
