Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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