I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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