when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
babies were throwing up all over the place
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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