I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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