That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
