I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
