i jhust puked up my retainher.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
