I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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