You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
