Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
