that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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