It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
How did I end up in the pool?!
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I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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