its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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