I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
