i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
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we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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