somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
