My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
