what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have feelings that need drinking.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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