Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
