Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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