I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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