He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
