Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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