i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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