u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
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So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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