I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
