my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
