i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize