guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
