so let's talk penis.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
