Where is the hickey?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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