Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
