This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You are a genius and a whore.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
