mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
