She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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