what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
