i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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