she looked like the bat from fern gully.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
