I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
