angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
