watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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