I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
id be glad to
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
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I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
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If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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