Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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