hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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