think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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