her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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