My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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