so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
we're so committed to being not committed
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