Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
nutella sex= disaster
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
