I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
