I got chris browned last night
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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