I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
