for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
God has nothing to do with this.