It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important