Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.