Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.

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(818): I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking. http://tfl.nu/j1uf

Replies (16) Good night (1300) Bad night (5248)
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(503): View more from Oregon

I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME

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(503): I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME http://tfl.nu/s14f

Replies (23) Good night (3576) Bad night (1463)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.

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(843): he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story. http://tfl.nu/p8b8

Replies (14) Good night (4943) Bad night (1011)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares

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(832): Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares http://tfl.nu/x7b2

Replies (22) Good night (6605) Bad night (830)
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(217): View more from Illinois

He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!

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(217): He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP! http://tfl.nu/1t3i

Replies (5) Good night (984) Bad night (3771)
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(770): View more from Georgia

To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.

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(770): To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present. http://tfl.nu/n1ow

Replies (8) Good night (864) Bad night (2358)
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(702): View more from Nevada

I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...

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(702): I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris... http://tfl.nu/90iy

Replies (7) Good night (1838) Bad night (863)
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(773): View more from Illinois

If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.

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(773): If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you. http://tfl.nu/rtfn

Replies (5) Good night (1716) Bad night (549)
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(330): View more from Ohio

I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left

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(330): I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left http://tfl.nu/2seq

Replies (16) Good night (842) Bad night (2410)
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(917): View more from New York City

I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball

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(917): I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball http://tfl.nu/axxp

Replies (24) Good night (596) Bad night (2787)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?

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(270): We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job? http://tfl.nu/b7v3

Replies (17) Good night (1127) Bad night (652)
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(540): View more from Virginia

So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...

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(540): So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be... http://tfl.nu/o9g8

Replies (9) Good night (1319) Bad night (350)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.

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(612): Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey. http://tfl.nu/j7hl

Replies (7) Good night (392) Bad night (654)
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(727): View more from Florida

How did you get him out of the shower last time?

(1-727): View more from Florida

Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.

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(727): How did you get him out of the shower last time? (1-727): Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed. http://tfl.nu/m3jy

Replies (0) Good night (731) Bad night (182)
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(847): View more from Illinois

I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.

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(847): I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards. http://tfl.nu/rmew

Replies (0) Good night (286) Bad night (146)

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