Texts From Last Night

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  (702): View more from Nevada

  explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.

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  (702): explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now. http://tfl.nu/gc18
  Replies (20) Good night (3514) Bad night (5875)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away

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  (305): once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away http://tfl.nu/wxv7
  Replies (15) Good night (1097) Bad night (4122)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.

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  (815): just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet. http://tfl.nu/j91e
  Replies (7) Good night (3393) Bad night (1098)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?

  (607): View more from New York

  Nevermind, it's in the dryer.

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  (607): Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head? (607): Nevermind, it's in the dryer. http://tfl.nu/r8jx
  Replies (6) Good night (3489) Bad night (954)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.

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  (903): I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish. http://tfl.nu/384h
  Replies (13) Good night (2528) Bad night (1220)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.

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  (973): Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often. http://tfl.nu/x0j2
  Replies (0) Good night (1727) Bad night (746)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.

  (802): View more from Vermont

  So basically you were a dog.

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  (860): This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground. (802): So basically you were a dog. http://tfl.nu/0n1s
  Replies (14) Good night (8386) Bad night (1044)
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  (925): View more from California

  the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".

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  (925): the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes". http://tfl.nu/fxx0
  Replies (11) Good night (1523) Bad night (766)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here

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  (931): I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here http://tfl.nu/mh8f
  Replies (4) Good night (2181) Bad night (559)
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  (909): View more from California

  I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.

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  (909): I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats. http://tfl.nu/jzu3
  Replies (10) Good night (822) Bad night (1224)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.

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  (605): Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me. http://tfl.nu/wtwx
  Replies (8) Good night (1341) Bad night (605)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower

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  (262): I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower http://tfl.nu/cieg
  Replies (7) Good night (957) Bad night (393)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.

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  (618): I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic. http://tfl.nu/2s9s
  Replies (4) Good night (662) Bad night (373)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do

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  (919): It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do http://tfl.nu/kn63
  Replies (4) Good night (302) Bad night (565)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"

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  (206): you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus" http://tfl.nu/hgga
  Replies (1) Good night (664) Bad night (173)

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