last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
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Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life