You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
