i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
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i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
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Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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