maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
