chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
