Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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